Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about Viagra?”

Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

A bear was walking across Rainbow Bridge (Old Hwy 40 at Donner Summit, Truckee) on Saturday when two cars also crossing the bridge scared the bear into jumping over the edge of the bridge. Somehow the bear caught the ledge and was able to pull itself to safety. Authorities decided that nothing could be done to help Saturday night so they returned Sunday morning to find the bear sound asleep on the ledge. After securing a net under the bridge the bear was tranquilized, fell into the net, lowered, then woke up and walked out of the net.

“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?

His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself
and repeat: I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache.

It worked! The headaches are all gone!”

The husband replies, “Well, that is wonderful.”

His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?” The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes grabs his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.” He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!”

The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.” He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.” With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying:

“She’s not my wife.”

“She’s not my wife.”

“She’s not my wife!”

~~His funeral service will be held on Monday.~~

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented, “I don’t know how I’m going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn’t.”

He looks at her and says angrily, “fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

Then the wife asks, “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right to which he replied,”

“Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break.”

“I’m not a carpenter and i don’t want to fix steps,” he says, “does it look like i have ace hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!!!!”

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home. As he walks into the house he notices that the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house , he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

“Honey,” he asks, “how’d all this get fixed?”

She said, “Well, when you left i sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and i told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all i had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.”

He said, ‘so what kind of cake did you bake?”

She replied, “Hellooooo… do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don’t think so!”

2002: Longing for hair

1972: The perfect high

2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1972: KEG

2002: EKG

1972: Acid rock

2002: Acid reflux

1972: Moving to California because it’s cool

2002: Moving to California because it’s warm

1972: Growing pot

2002: Growing pot belly

1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1972: Seeds and stems

2002: Roughage

1972: Popping pills, smoking joints

2002: Popping joints

1972: Killer weed

2002: Weed killer

1972: Hoping for a BMW

2002: Hoping for a BM

1972: The Grateful Dead

2002: Dr. Kevorkian

1972: Going to a new, hip joint

2002: Receiving a new hip joint

1972: Rolling Stones

2002: Kidney Stones

1972: Being called into the principal’s office

2002: Calling the principal’s office

1972: Screw the system

2002: Upgrade the system

1972: Disco

2002: Costco

1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut

2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1972: Taking acid

2002: Taking antacid

1972: Passing the drivers’ test

2002: Passing the vision test

1972: Whatever

2002: Depends